Just the other day, I was thinking about how a certain aspect of my upbringing defined my mindset regarding personal achievements. I come from a religious background that taught me that no matter how I hard I tried, in the end what mattered was how much I had prayed to get what I wanted.
My success depended less on my effort, and more on my offerings to a superior entity whose will was always mysterious to me. Because of that, I never got to claim ownership over my accomplishments, and that meant I could not claim ownership over my failures either. It all depended on a third party, so I never really owned the things I achieved, and I could not hold myself accountable for my mistakes. This did not stop me from being over judgmental about myself and beating myself up when I failed, but it definitely kept me from learning from a lot of my mistakes.
I am glad to say that I have changed (quite early on) as I matured, and I learned that some of life’s most valuable lessons come from our failures and shortcomings. Nevertheless, I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve success when it comes my way, and I still have a hard time accepting that I can actually be good at something. What I have been learning for some time now is to listen to the people who recognise my efforts and push me to be a better person.
Fortunately, I have a few of those people in my life, in the form of close friends, a fantastic boyfriend, and a sister who knows me well. Those people will let me know if I am wrong, they will compliment me when they believe I deserve it, but most importantly, they are always encouraging me to be the best I can be, and never doubt my capabilities.
So one of my goals this year is to get rid of the habit of not believing in myself, and replace it with more faith in me, with (a lot of) help from my incredible friends. If they believe I can do it, why won’t I?